letter of intent to get some cash

another letter in need of some editing

Dear Kathy Moore,
I am writing this in hopes of extracting some funds in pursuit of a global health career in Nursing, specifically, for my summer 2008 externship abroad. I have come to you in the beginning of the fall 2007 semester and recieved $3,000 in emergency loans when my financial aid failed to come in on time to pay for my tuition and books so you may be already somewhat familiar with my financial state. During class time, I have to work at least 16 hours a week to pay for bills, rent, and food but I am serious about my nursing career and I am serious about my desire to give my nursing skills in the field of global health. I have been wanting to join the PeaceCorp since high school so global aid has always been on the agenda (is this sentence too overdone?)
In addition to being accepted to the Nursing School, I also recieved acceptance into the School of Radiology at UNC for a bachelor's in Radiologic Science. Pay for Radiologic Technicians tends to be higher than Registered Nurses and the curriculum at the School of Radiology is supposedly easier than the demands of Nursing School. However, it is the venue of global health in Nursing that appealed to me and pushed me to become a Nurse rather than a Radiologic Technician.
I am going to Guatemala over spring break with Chris Harlan. I paid for the trip out of pocket and the cost amounted to $1,260. However, my interest is in Southeast Asia so I thought that I should do my summer externship over in that region.
My mother grew up in the Philippines and I still have family over there. I would be staying with my grandfather so housing and food would not be a huge deal. My cousin works as a doctor over at the University of Santo Tomas hospital in Pasay City, Manila. I had just written a letter of intent to the Nursing Director there via my cousin in order to get a volunteer job over the summer. My mom spoke with an agent and got an estimate for a round trip plane ticket for $940. I can only stay in the country for a month since I would only be volunteering there and not making any money. I have held a job since the age of 15 and have barely kept my head above water so not having an income for a month would be a huge financial blow. However, the benefits of this experience would outweigh the risks and I would love to be able to do my externship abroad. Thank you for your time and I hope to hear from you soon.

Sincerely,
Leilani Trowell
711282632